I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
