Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
