I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
