cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
