I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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