Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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