my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize