My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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