I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I did not marry a roomba.
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