dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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