I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We left an ass print on the piano.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
