I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she looked like the before picture.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
