Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize