OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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