I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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