Got a toothbrush?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
