I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
