I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
