you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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