the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize
