Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
