is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize