DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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