You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
