Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
