Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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