He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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