I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
