I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
