either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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