so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
