Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
