Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
