what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
