just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
