so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize