her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
