I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
