Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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