I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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