You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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