Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
