$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
