using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
did you just send me my own nude
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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