She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
