I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
