Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
