The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
