turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
