At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
