please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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