I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm like, not good at living.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
