They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize