i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
