I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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