I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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