I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
