It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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