i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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