this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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