I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
