he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
