So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
