she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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