probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
