They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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