You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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