Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize