I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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