Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
