i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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