Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
