I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
