Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
