sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
