:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
