So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
