my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
