he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
