i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
