Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
