yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
