Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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