Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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