If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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